給父母的EQ建議
I think every parent has had the experience of being just at wit's end. Everything is going wrong and you feel like you're going to explode.
我想，每位爸媽都有不知如何是好的經驗才對！似乎每件事都不對勁，你覺得你要爆炸了！
Suddenly your children start pulling on you and pushing on every boundary. What's happening is an emotional pressure is building up inside you because you don't yet have the skill to cope with and deal with it so you repress it, pushing it down.
突然之間，你覺得你的孩子在拉扯你，對你的每個界限提出挑戰。這表示你內心的情緒壓力一直在增強中，但是因為你還沒有學到克服的技巧，所以你只是壓抑它。
You want it to go away because it is an inconvenient time. Whatever you suppress, your children will express. They'll feel this and because you're not handling it, it is like a pressure that will come out through them.
你希望它走開，因為這是不方便的時機。每當你壓抑它，你的孩子反而會表達出來。因為當你不處理自己的情緒，他們便會感覺到，就像這個壓力會透過他們找到出口。
It is phenomenal how our children will act out issues and feelings we are not coping with ourselves. One of the ways you can detect if children are acting out your feelings is to observe whether you are resisting your child.
這是一個很有趣的現象，當我們有無法克服的事件和情緒時，我們的孩子會開始表達出來。要偵測孩子是否在演出你的情緒，方法之一，就是觀察你自己是否在抗拒你的孩子。
You see, if my child is acting out some feelings and I do not want to listen to him/her, that's a sign that the feelings s/he has are feelings that are inside of me to which I don't want to listen. If I can listen to my daughter easily and my wife can't, then I would take charge at that time. That's why a partnership helps out.
你要知道，當孩子鬧情緒，但我不想傾聽，這就表示我內在也有相同的情緒，而且我也不想傾聽它。 當我能很容易的傾聽我的女兒，而我太太不能時，我就會來處理，這就是有一個團隊的好處。
Certainly children have enough feelings of their own without ours causing them more pressure. When you are under pressure you're not feeling centered, loving, forgiving, accepting, patient, tolerant or flexible all the qualities you need as a parent.
當然，就算沒有我們造成的壓力，孩子本身就有不少自己的壓力。當你處於高壓下時，你就很難覺得平靜、充滿愛心、接納心、耐心、容忍心、應變力等，這些都是當父母所需要的特質。
One of the most effective tools of emotional literacy a parent can use at times like this is to sit down, pull out a piece of paper and write a letter to the person who is bothering you. The purpose of the letter is to resolve whatever emotions are standing in the way of the expression of love. That is why we call it a "love letter."
面對這種情況時，父母親可以使用一些方法，提高情緒商數最有效的方法之一，就是拿出一張紙，寫一封信給這個讓你煩惱的孩子。寫信的目的，在於化解阻礙愛的表達的情緒障礙。 這就是為何我們稱它為情書。
The Love Letter Technique
寫情書法
The love letter technique is the ultimate way for sharing and expressing the complete truth for resolving emotional conflict both within yourself and in your relationships.
寫情書法可以分享和表達你的真實的聲音，是解決你內心和你的人際關係中的情緒衝突的終極方法。
It is not only a powerful tool fur emotional healing, but through practicing it, you will learn more about your own feelings and what it really means to tell the truth…
這不只是治療情緒一個有力的工具，而且透過寫信，你也會多了解自己的感覺，以及了解到說真話的真實意義何在。….
The Love Letter Format格式
To write a love letter, begin by expressing your anger, resentment and blame and allow yourself to move through the other levels until you get down to the love.
寫情書時，一開始要先表達忿怒、怨恨、責怪等情緒，容許你自己去經驗不同層次的感覺，直到到達愛的層次為止。
Each love letter has five parts - and the following lead-in phrases may help you if you become stuck at one level and need to move into the next.
每封情書包括五部份，如果你一下子想不出要寫什麼，可以利用以下的提示片語，幫你進入下一層次。
1. ANGER AND BLAME 憤怒和責怪
I don't like it when... 我不喜歡，當…時
2. HURT AND SADNESS 受傷和悲傷
I feel sad when... 我覺得很傷心
3. FEAR AND INSECURITY 害怕和沒安全感
I feel afraid... 我覺得很害怕，因為
4. GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY 罪惡感和責任感
I'm sorry that... 我很抱歉
5. LOVE, FORGIVENESS, UNDERSTANDING AND DESIRE 愛，原諒，了解，希望
I love you because... 我愛你，因為
I forgive you for... 我原諒你
I want...我希望
Remember: If you want to feel better, write a love Letter!!
As you get in touch with your feelings, you'll find that your children will do it, too. The fact that you are emotionally literate will allow them to naturally access these feelings.
記得：如果想要改善心情，寫封情書吧！當你能夠了解自己的感覺時，你會發現，你的孩子也會這樣做。因為你認識自己的情緒，他們也就自然而然能夠接觸自己的情緒了。
When you simply ask them, "What are you upset about? Are you angry because you wanted something and you didn't get it?" If they say, "Yes, I am angry about that," you just listen.
當你問：「什麼事讓你不高興呢？你生氣，是否因為你得不到想要的東西呢？」 如果他們說：「我就是因為這樣才生氣。」你就只是聽。
Don't fix it for them, don't offer advice, just let them be angry for a little while, let them talk and then they'll start to cry. They'll be sad, feeling "I'm never going to get it!"
不要幫他們改變情緒，也不要提供建議，只是讓他們再生氣一會兒，讓他們說出來，他們可能會哭，會很傷心，可能心裡會想：「我永遠都得不到了。」
And then you might say, "I understand you're sad but I just can't give it to you because it is not yours." Then the fear will surface: "You'll never let me have it. I'll never get to do this!"
You can say, "I understand, you are afraid you'll never have that."
然後你可能會說：「我知道你很傷心，但是我不能給你，因為那不是你的。」這時他們會出現恐懼：「你永遠都不給我，我永遠都不能有。」
你可以說：「我知道，你擔心你永遠都得不到了。」
They will say, "Yeah, yeah." Then they'll start to cry again. You hold them in your arms, and then they will want your love. What children really want is our approval, our praise and our love; but they push it away, and they can't receive it if the negative emotions aren't heard.
他們會說：「對啊！對啊！」然後又開始哭。你就抱著他們，他們要的是你的愛。
孩子真正要的是我們的贊同、讚美和愛，但他們把我們推開，因為如果負面的情緒不被傾聽，他們就無法接受這些。
That's why what we call negative emotions are really healing. No one ever wants to hear them, but they are the emotions we need to work on the most. When these emotions came up previously, we lost love, so we learned to push them away.
那就是為何所謂負面的情緒，其實很具療癒的作用。沒有人想聽到負面的情緒，但是這是我們最需要努力的部份。以往當我們有負面的情緒時，我們失去了愛，所以我們學到要壓制它。
Then, when our children start having these emotions as they grow up, we want to push them away. Whenever we resist these feelings in our children, it's a sign that we haven't learned to embrace them in ourselves.
然後，當我們的孩子在成長中，他們也有了這些情緒，我們也想要壓制它。當我們抗拒孩子的負面的情緒時，那就表示我們自己還沒學習到接納它。
When we can embrace them, our children will move through them quickly. If you enable a child to feel safe expressing all his feelings, twenty minutes of time can turn a tragedy into a healthy release.
一旦我們自己學習接納它，我們的孩子很快的就會走出來。如果你能讓孩子覺得表達情緒是很安全的事，只要花上二十分鐘，就能把一個悲劇轉變成健康的抒發。
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