改變的喜悅

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譯自沙克的書 "裸體吃芒果"
By Sark, p.30, "Eat Mangoes Naked"

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改變的喜悅  "Pleasure of Changing "

一天深夜，我到位於舊金山的「天恩大教堂」，走了一回靜心迷宮，「與改變為友」是我靜心的主題，整個過程中，我一直在哭。

Late one night, I walked the labyrinth at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. I dedicated my walk to "making friends with change, " and cried the whole time.

我哭，是因為我一直在逃避改變，一直想壓抑改變。當然，這是行不通的，而且新的改變一直不斷出現，不論我如何壓抑它。

I cried because I'd been running around, trying to "keep all the lids" on change. Of course, it doesn't work, and new changes were developing all the time! No matter how hard I tried with the lids, stuff kept bubbling out.

對於我所面臨的改變，我花了很多精力在合理化、解釋、抱怨，或是逃避上。 我真的開始了解，我是多麼努力想讓一切維持現狀。

I spent my energy justifying, explaining, complaining about or just avoiding the changes that I was experiencing. I really began to see how avidly I was trying to keep everything the same.

我以為如果我能夠維持某些東西不變，那麼，我就不必改變自己，或改變我的看法、觀點、態度和信念。

It seemed like if I could just keep enough things the same, then I wouldn't have to change myself, or my views, perspectives, attitudes or beliefs.

這種固執不通的態度，讓我無法享受改變的樂趣。也許當我越能接受改變和歡迎改變時， 我自己就越能改變。

This rigidity was preventing me from experiencing the pleasures of change. Perhaps the more I could accept and welcome change, the more I myself could change.

我對改變的抗拒，會不會是對宇宙運行的一種高傲態度呢？

What if all my resistance to changing was a kind of arrogance about the movements of the universe?

我對改變的不信任，會不會就是事實上對於宇宙的不信任呢？

That if I distrust change, then I am in effect distrusting the universe!

對自己這個小小的系統和生命歷程的所有一切，我都極力固守執著。對生活慣例，我也習以為樂，我被自己對時間和生活的概念所束縛。

I cling so hard to all of my little systems and processes.

I find such pleasure in my routines. I am bound by my ideas of time and life.

我想要向世界宣稱，我的生活就是一個很偉大的實驗！我想要享受和歡迎改變，主動去找尋改變，並且享受改變。我想要成為一位才華洋溢的速變藝術家！

I want to declare my life to be one big experiment!

I want to relish and welcome change, seek out change and find the pleasure in that. I want to be a gifted quick change artist.

雖然處於諸多的改變中，我希望自己仍能找到安全感，或者我能改變自己對安全感的看法！

I want to be able to find the safety within the changes, or change my ideas about safety!

這是我寫給改變的一封信。

Here is my letter to change:

親愛的改變:

我過去一直很怕你，不歡迎你來我家，我在你背後說你的壞話。我抗拒、逃避、取笑你。

Dear Change,

I've previously been very afraid of you. You weren't welcome in my home, and I spoke badly about you behind your back. I resisted you, avoided you, and made fun of you.

我現在希望能夠改善我們的關係，我希望學習如何好好尊重你，如何與你共舞，如何邀你共進晚餐。

I want to change our relationship. I want to learn to cultivate and respect you, dance with you and take you out to dinner.

讓我們一起旅行！你願意成為我永遠的好朋友嗎？

Let's travel together! Will you be my everlasting friend?

愛你的蘇珊

Love, Susan